Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
