I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
