I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude. I can hear the air.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
