I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.