it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.