my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
