remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
