and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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