You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
