we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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