In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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