Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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