Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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