Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
