At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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