How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize