I wish my penis had an off switch
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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