listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
