Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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