Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
