I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
