I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
