We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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