He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
