can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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