The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
