can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
