You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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