I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why do cheetos always look like penises
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
