he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
