i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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