the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
