it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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