She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
