i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i need some magic done to my vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
