Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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