Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
