So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
