new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
