I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
