My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
