bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
