nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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