AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
