I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
