even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
