so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
