i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
