I puked a lego.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
