bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
