She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
