yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
