Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
