my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
