Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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