i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
