life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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