After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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