Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
