all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
40s are totally the cure
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
