Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
