just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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