Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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