I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
cat food counts as protein by the way
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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