i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My pussy is not your playground.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
