So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
