Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
