Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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