I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
