she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
