Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
