franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
