We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
