I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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