I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
